I received today the following comment on one of my posts from Michael and really appreciate his thoughts about my blog:
Hi Ford,
I only discovered your site very recently and I must say it’s excellent. The reason for my e-mailing is to kind of ask for your help, and DW’s if she would be so kind. I spend quite a bit of time trying to convince my wife that we should lead the lifestyle similar to yourselves. Whilst she has purchased a cane, to compliment the wooden clothes-brush we already have, she is very reluctant to use either as, she feels, she loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me. I always tell her that should I be naughty in any way, annoy her, disrespect her etc, then she should administer a suitable punishment with either or both. Whilst she has promised to do so in future, she does more often than not renege on her promise. Is there anything either you or DW could tell me that would help or what would you or DW tell my wife were she sat in front of you now? I hope I’m not asking too much and I truly hope you and/or DW can help me to convince my wife. Many thanks for your time Ford, keep on with your site, it really is great.
Kindest Regards to you both
Michael
When I shared this request with DW, it prompted us to consider anew the question of consensually inflicting physical pain on a much-loved spouse or partner for the specific purpose of disciplining them.
I expect readers of this Blog can have few doubts that my spankings from DW are almost exclusively in the context of Domestic Discipline and that she now has no reservations about ensuring that their severity responds appropriately to the seriousness and recurrence of my infringements. Make no mistake, being fully aware of the pain that DW can and does inflict when she reaches for that hairbrush, paddle or cane, I submit with real trepidation and in the knowledge that I will be more than relieved when she determines that my punishment and penitence are complete. DW then expects, and I willingly express my apology and gratitude for her discipline. Even DW’s regular “preventative†or reminder spankings are no joking matter.
So … is the severity of my spankings greater than I might have envisaged all those years ago when I first asked DW to discipline me? – Definitely!
Would I want her to be any less severe with them than she now is? – Definitely not.
Do I love her all the more for being prepared to discipline me in such a thorough and effective manner? – Absolutely.
And despite the severity and disciplinary nature of my spankings, there is no denying that they somehow contribute to our respective libidos with obvious benefit to our sex-life – put simply, the more time we can spend together, and the more consistently I am disciplined, the more we seem to desire each other.
Re-winding though, I put it to DW that she must have felt some reservations about hurting me in the context of a loving husband-wife relationship, especially given that she professes to have been a vanilla (albeit an adventurous one) in such matters.
On this, DW says:
Yes, I think by the time Ford first suggested I spank him we’d been married about 6 years – our relationship was very loving and passionate with close communication on just about anything really. The idea of spanking my husband had honestly never occurred to me before, but it was easy to see that this was something Ford wanted to try – and there were certainly times when he deserved it. I can’t remember exactly what he did one evening but it certainly annoyed me at the time. He was very apologetic as we climbed into bed that evening and he suggested I could spank him if I wished. I’m not sure what he was expecting, but I quickly had him out of bed and over my knee for some treatment with the wooden hairbrush. Although pretty mild compared to what I give him today, we both felt his behaviour had been dealt with and some intensive lovemaking followed.
From what Michael says, you clearly have a very loving relationship and have been communicating well about his desire to be disciplined by spanking him. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t hesitate and can now endorse Aunt Kay’s good advice from first hand experience. I found her DWC Handbook publication very helpful and still keep it discretely by the bedside, along with a more recent one on Caning Techniques. Likewise, if you follow her safety advice, you’ll do no harm.
I also keep a whiteboard on the back of the bedroom door where I track Ford’s infringements. That way when his spanking time arrives, both he and I know exactly what it’s for.
I also put it to DW that she must have decided at some point that, if it was serious discipline I was seeking, then that’s exactly what she would unreservedly administer whenever it was warranted. Personally, I believe this point had definitely been reached by some time in late 2003 when DW declared our first specifically disciplinary weekend, and about which I’ve posted starting at That First Weekend – Friday Night. On her Disciplinary Wives Club site, I think this is some of the Reality Testing to which Aunt Kay refers.
On this, DW says:
I don’t remember reaching any specific decision on this at a particular time but had been chewing it over for a while based on information gleaned primarily through the web. I certainly got it into my head to give Ford’s backside a very comprehensive tanning that weekend – perhaps I was subconsciously testing his limits. Routinely, if Ford can sit on a wooden seat without wincing a little the next day after a spanking, I personally feel that I haven’t done my job.
I don’t know where that puts us on the severity scale, but at the end of the day, you will need to set a level that suits you best, but there’s no hurry, take your time and trust your instincts, and talk about it – often.
Speaking of which, we’ve also found that the disciplinary component of our relationship forms a very special and intimate bond of trust between us – something that only we share and know about our relationship.
Michael, I hope this has been of some assistance – let’s know how you are going.
All the best
FORD and DW